Being in love can be a beautiful thing. I stress the word can. Some of the most memorable and magical moments in life are ones filled with love. But just as love brings us beauty, it also has the ability to bring the dark, cold and ugly.
Love is what we make of it. Knowing this gives us some control over it. At the same time, it gives control to our lover as well. That’s why staying in love is so difficult; it requires two separate and different people to function as one single unit.
Though sometimes things will work out, most of the time they don’t. Most of the time, the relationship fails and never even gets off the ground.
People fall out of love. It happens. Once you begin to fall out of love, bringing yourself back is difficult.
The way you love someone depends entirely on how you perceive this person. What you assume about the person can trigger the emotions that you’re feeling.
As most people will argue, the best part of being in love is the way that it makes you feel. I happen to believe this line of thinking to be wrong, but most people believe this to be true.
But it’s not just about you. It’s also about your partner, and what he or she believes love is. If you have separate ideas about the relationship, the love you share will always be different for each of you.
Do we ever love another in the same way that person loves us? No; it isn’t possible. The thoughts that we have about a person are unique.
We never love each other in the same way we are loved. Our emotions may be similar, but that’s because our makeup is similar. What triggers those physiological reactions, however, is different — if only slightly — for everybody.
But this doesn’t mean that the relationship won’t work out. Different ways of loving can be compatible — as long as we understand and appreciate our partner’s needs.
Love and relationships are incredibly complex. They often seem simple and straightforward, but that’s only when things are working out great.
When there aren’t any noticeable issues, we don’t realize all the minute variables that are in play. Not until problems arise do we begin to try to figure out why things are going south.
Relationships take work. They take dedication. Most importantly, they require trust. There is nothing more important in a relationship than trust — period.
Trust is the glue that holds people together. When trust is lacking, the relationship — whether it’s romantic or not — will fail. But sometimes people overlook this. They chase someone who keeps running away from them.
I understand the appeal. We want what we can’t have. The greater the push, the greater the pull. But that isn’t love. That’s simply wanting what you can’t have. And love isn’t a want; it’s a need.
The last thing that you need in your life is to waste your time pursuing someone who gave up on you.
It’s one thing for someone to need some space, to take time to get back into their own skin and get life back on track. But it’s another for a person to simply give up on you.
It isn’t always easy to admit to ourselves that the person we love has given up on us and the future we could have had together. But this is a necessary first step to moving on.
You need to admit to yourself that your partner abandoned you for good. You need to deal with your feelings of rejection.
Accept your reality and move on from there. The truth is that if the person you love has given up on you, he or she doesn’t deserve your love. Period.
This person doesn’t deserve the time you spend thinking about the relationship and wishing him or her the best — especially if the thoughts aren’t reciprocated.
You’re going about your day reminiscing on your past together. Meanwhile, your ex is moving on with life, having new experiences and creating new memories.
You may feel that you still love your ex. In a way, you do. But that’s only because you’re not looking at all the facts. You’re not taking into consideration how your ex feels about you now.
You’re forgetting the way you were treated or left. You’re focusing only on emotions — ones you’re still naive enough to call “love.”
But it’s not love. It’s obsession with a dash of denial. You have no good reason to love your ex. Sure, you may have been in love once, and you probably had a reason. But look at you now. You’re alone.
Where’s the love this person has for you? How is your ex adding to your life and making it better? Happier? Less pointless?
Your ex is no longer in your life. He or she chose to give up on you, deciding that it would be better if you two had nothing to do with each other.
You can go ahead and call your confusing emotions “love,” but that’s a mistake you’ll come to regret one day. You may not be ready for love. You may not even be worthy of love.
You may not yet deserve love. But your ex sure as hell don’t deserve your love, either. So give up. See where life takes you. As long as there’s a tomorrow, there is a chance at new love.